I don't usually arrange sex via text message
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Randomize
