you guys were way drunker than both of me
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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