Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
