When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
