Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
