Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
