i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Cover your peen. We're going out.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
its liver damage thursday
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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