So drunk, too bad you don't want this
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
