If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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