either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
