my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
