I heard we made out
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
