Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
