Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
she pinky promised me she was 18
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
3 2 1 whiskey
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
