return my video game
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
it's like iHOP with fire
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
