If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
