The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
