he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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