4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
