I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My liver is preforming stress tests.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
