please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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