gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You have to summon your inner elephant
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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