I just threw up on my dentist
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
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