i just wanna soil my oats bro
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
