i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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