tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
