Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
