I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
