tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
