Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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