Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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