that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
