You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
How naked do you want me to be?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
