hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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