we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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