omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
