No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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