I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I currently don't understand fingers.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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