I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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