How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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