First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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