Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
