If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
