If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The ass gains better be worth it
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