she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
