in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think I sprained my soul last night
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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