Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
And then he peed in my hair
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