Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
