I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
