do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
